Well, as you know, I walk, A LOT, miles and miles and hours and hours same routes, over and over. Lost in a Loop, in a space zone. I guess for everyone the “Raum-und Zeitwahrnehmung” or sense of space and time changed.
I talked to my beloved girl overseas. After our merge, I passed by blossom cherry trees, the sunset in my back (Yeah, hopeless romantic …) I felt like a NEON BABE while looking down and a Fluffy Hon when looking up. I tried to mix the colors, and looked as fast as I can, up and down and up and down. Well, NO FLUFFY NEON came out, just a soft dark and dizziness so I decided to stop this experiment!
I drifted into a time when I was: WOW, what the fuck, how did that happen, 550, 560, 570, .. miles an hour, falling asleep on the one side of the planet, waking up on the other, a different Space and different Time (zone). For a moment I had that feeling with my friend, when she described me every detail of her “world”. And at the same time, she was with me, walking next to me, on the one side of the canal. So a mixture of time and space. Connecting and disconnecting and how to connect if you can’t connect no more?
I want to share a story, when I was super little. Don’t know how old, but in Kindergarten so probably 3 or 4. Jonathan was the second or third death I was introduced too. And I didn’t understand. So while crying and being sad, my “Kindergarten Tante” came up to me and said: Hanna, do you see the stars? I looked up. She continued: Look at them, one up there is J. and he is looking down on you, taking care of you. Those words are stuck in my head ever since.
The look into the milky way makes me sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes fragile and connected to pain sometimes I feel relived. I draw mind maps every now and then, of the people and animals I connected to, some are gone, far away, some I lost or we lost each other. The map is a milky way and the look into the stars tells me that there is more. No connection is lost, ever. That reminds me of this beautiful Piece I got introduced by two very special people. It’s from Robert Montgomery and says “The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive.”
So in and out and all around. That brings me to some years ago, I worked on a piece about Trauma, Death, wishes and needs. It is connected to the death of my aunt, she was obsessed with drawing butterflies and when she died there was this one butterfly flying next to us from the crematorium to the grave. And now always when a butterfly is flying next to me I remember her. When I was diving into the research of Trauma a Number mesmerised me: So if you would remove the DNA double strand of any human cell and would hold one single strand to a measuring tape, you would come to a length of about 2 meters. The entire DNA according to this calculation, a human being would have an incredible length of 150 billion kilometres!!
It is in the VO of the piece, but listen for yourself: Almost 400,000 times from earth to the Moon, 1,000 times from Earth to the Sun, and when we are 7 million, we can bridge the Milky Way.”…
Oh no, I guess, again NEON Babe lost herself in thoughts. But I have the feeling the thoughts on death, connection and how to connect if you can’t connect no more will continue. Right now I feel like I want to sit on my balcony, hide under a blanket, spread my wings, look at the stars and draw mental milky way maps. And that’s what I am gonna do.
So beloved starshipers, flyers, disconnecter and connecters, I wish you a sense of space and time day or night.
Love,
x hanna
